I don't usually treat the blog like a journal for think pieces but while doing Dylan's bedtime routine I found myself wondering if I'm babying him or perhaps over catering. Our bedtime routine is kinda the big boy version of what it was when he was a baby: I give him a bath, give him a massage while moisturizing his skin then oversee the tidying of his room. He doesn't have a specific security object but he does take a small toy to bed nightly so once he's chosen which one he wants for the night, I tuck him in, we say our goodnights and I hang out in the living room until he falls asleep. Some nights he asks for reassurance that I'll be in the living room because he doesn't like falling asleep alone; He feels closer to me if I'm at least in the living room while he dozes off.
Tonight when he asked if I would be in the living room the answer was of course YES but then I asked myself silently if he's being coddled or babied and the answer is NO.
As long as there is a chance that a police officer will murder my son out of "fear" masked as racism, me sitting on the couch until he dozes off is not babying him.
As long as the days near when I have to explain the importance of self preservation to my son when in the presence of those he once looked up to then I will continue to give him foot rubs at his request. As long as there is a chance that a disgruntled white woman can falsely accuse him of attacking her in a park because she's being held accountable for breaking the law then I am going to do whatever makes him feel confident, secure and LOVED in this house for as long as we both shall live because no one loves him out there and no one will ever love him the way I love him.
His life matters. Your life matters. BLACK LIVES MATTER